The sun rises over this brand new day
As we enter a brand new epoch of hope!
We say goodbye to those Ediacaran days
And give the middle finger to their Xenophyophore ways!
We’re multicellular bitches
Starting our own new age!
We’re Cambrian Period bitches
And our love is going to EXPLODE!
The best weapon in Contra is the Spread Gun. Sure, the Laser is, well, laser-focused and deals more damage per hit, but that laser focus forces you to worry about each angle at every moment. The Spread Gun allows you to focus primarily on getting to the end of each level, while the automated bullets firing in several directions worry about enemies who threaten you without being directly in your path. You’re outsourcing your killing spree and robbing yourself of all the credit, but it makes each level far easier to clear. Contra is the sort of project that needs that sort of diverse killing angles. That and the Konami Code.
Pop Team Epic is the same way. The original comic strip may be a laser focused screed– both professing love for and frustration with otaku culture, but such a singular vision wouldn’t translate to a 15 minute anime. The way they outsourced various segments to different creative teams gives the series many voices unified in loving and destroying their targets, and it allows the primary production team to push forward and win the day.
If not for that Spread Gun, I doubt Pop Team Epic would click as well as it does.
SERPENT ROMANCER EXTRA A+α
Anarchy– like completely real, absence of all rules, everyone for themselves anarchy– is a complete fabrication. To exist without a single care, without a single responsibility, and without the least hint of consequence is a complete fantasy. Even within tribal societies where no real leader exists, some form of mores and values persist even without guiding forces directly enforcing such ideas. Even the most chaotic of lives, stories, or whatever exist due to the adherence of some sort of rules and order. That chaos and lack of aim is purely fabricated– an affectation meant to represent the idea of a lack of ideas.
That’s Pop Team Epic’s sense of anarchy– it’s an affectation of anarchy created through the sort of scheming and planning its premiere and final episode decry. All nihilistic, rebellious fuck yous are birthed in the shadows by masterminds working strategic, carefully structured magics.
This ancient conspiracy was birthed to create false hope in those who wish to see society changed over time. It started with tales told around campfires, disseminated through carefully placed orators who would go from village to village, telling tales of heroes who bucked the gods and brought prosperity to themselves and their people despite their place in the celestial order. Such tales soon became religions, where one could break free from the drudgery, suffering, and malaise of life through good deeds and other things that were counter to the harsh reality of life.
Over time, as such ideas became mainstream, it wasn’t enough to promise salvation in order to satiate that human desire for breaking from tradition. If everyone has faith in a God, then God is no longer punk rock. Media was fashioned to be an ever increasing source of rebellion and reprise from disenfranchisement. The plays of Shakespeare may seem stuffy today, but they were bawdy, tawdry tales that mocked the elite and showed how flawed royal bloodlines could be after centuries of inbreeding and debauchery. Each new musical style burns the ears of the previous generation. All art is blasphemous for a time before being subsumed by global subconscious, and that blasphemy becomes your father’s nostalgia.
This search for anarchy and freedom, and the Powers That Be’s endless cycle of creating facsimiles of such that satiate the masses for the brief time they exist in this world, is the workings of our Snake People masters. They create the middle fingers we subsequently flash back at them in futile attempts at rebellion. We feed into their undying lust for power as we dance to their ever changing tunes, believing we live lives of philosophical independence when in fact we’re just cogs in a machine we’re unaware exists.
Pop Team Epic is just the latest in a series of fabricated revolutions. It’s brilliance is just the planning of King Records’ Snake Men Masters. Bkub Okawa may be an unwitting pawn, truly believing this reaction against anime mores is wholly his creation, but I doubt such innocence is possible with such a masterpiece of deceit.
Pop Team Epic is our death. Let us embrace it.
Shin Mecha Cooking!
Chicken Fried Lamprey
Don’t let the toothy, sucker-mouthed, horror of the depth appearance of these guys scare you off! Lampreys clean up real good if you give them a chance!
First off, you need to venture to the depths of the abyss to catch one of these babies. Don’t settle for freshwater spawn. While contemporary wisdom tells you that you should use the cheapest cut of beef when frying up some chicken fried steak, don’t yield to mediocrity here! Get in your bathysphere and plunge yourself to Abyssal Plain to get the real good stuff.
You’ll want to track down some deep sea behemoth first, since the best lampreys suckle on only the finest of cryptid flanks. Be sure not to slay the beast you find, since even multi-headed Hydra don’t have multiple reproductive organs. Their birth rates can’t make for sustainable lethal lamprey harvesting. The resulting encounter may turn violent, but I’m sure you’re skilled enough to escape with plenty of succulent lamprey without losing too many henchmen.
Once you get back to your lair, you’ll need to clean the creatures. Start with cutting off the tails, hanging them by what would be their necks, and draining them of their blood. At the same time, carve some incisions into the sides of the fish to remove their intestines and other organs. These may make for their own good eats on their own(or at least vital chum for your tank of killer sharks), but they don’t fry up too well. Once drained and cleaned, decapitate the sucker and save that head for your favorite pet minion to gnaw on during dinner.
Now you have the option of going bone-in or boneless. It’s up to you how you prepare the lamprey for frying. I’m fond of the flavor the bones give the meat, and it makes for some fun when you serve them as “buffalo wings” to your friends at parties. After that, you fry the babies up using a normal beer batter recipe you can find anywhere. It takes about 3 minutes for each piece to cook up, and be sure to serve them right away.
And be sure to have some harpoons handy, as the deep sea protectors of the closest ancient underwater city may come to attack your dinner party if word gets to them that you assaulted one of the beasts they tend to just to fry up some sucker fish. You know the drill.
Have fun and good tastings!
They revel in their abandonment of societal norms. They laugh together as other weep in their wake. Their love is reborn continuously, and their cycle is unending. The Earth will be enveloped by an expanding Sun, and the Universe will die its inevitable heat death, and all that will remain is the union between Popuko and Pipimi.
Theirs is the single greatest romance in anime history.
They encounter no troubles. Whatever disagreements they have are inconsequential. They are yin and yang– life and death– tall and short. They are the balance in the force– the thing that makes concepts like good and evil irrelevant.
The alpha and the omega– the pophmega.
With their anime airing, history has come to an end. Time may continue. Events will transpire. But after this moment in time, everything else is but a footnote in their final entry.
This is the end.
Are you upset?
Forever isn’t until the end of time
Time doesn’t have shit on us
The dimensions will all crumble
As our feet walk on in infinity
Heaven will crumble
God will retire to Florida
He’ll leave us the keys
But we’ll toss them in the ocean
Hell will go lukewarm
Satan will greet at Wal-Mart
He’ll say hello
And we’ll pretend not to see
Everything is ours
Even love can’t describe this joy
Reality doesn’t have shit on us
Because we are the shit